The Great Motherhood Debates

I never paid attention before I had kids, but in the last 21 months I've noticed that there are few "Mommy" topics that can rile women up as quickly as 1. Stay at home v. Working /2. How I had my baby (Aka Homebirth v. Hospital) / and 3. Boob v. Bottle. I had no clue how polarizing these three topics are and just how deeply the convictions run on each side.

I am a crunchy mom's worst nightmare ~ I work, I had her in the hospital with pitocin and an epidural & she had a bottle from 4 days old. I should be in jail for child endangerment by some people's standards, her asthma is because I was "too selfish" to breastfeed and HOW DARE I take medications while pregnant don't I know how horrible that is for my child?!?! (Take a deep breath people, all that yelling can make a person pass out).

There has been a lot in the press lately about homebirths versus hospitals, and both sides feel equally valient about why their team is best.

There will always be "Breast is Best" ~ but when that doesn't work you have to do something to feed the kid. Either they starve or they get a bottle, which one is preferable there?

And please don't start the SAHM v. WOTHM ... there are just too many initials for me to keep up anymore. My kid has had both options and honestly, I can see both sides of the coin and neither of them is the perfect answer all the time for every kid on earth.

None of these topics have one single perfect answer and every mother will always wonder if she picked correctly. You do the best you have with what you're handed at the time, and then you hope the rest works itself out in the end.

I'm so tired of being given the hairy eye when my decisions don't match up to another mom's, when suddenly they see me as toxic to their way of life and don't want to hang out with me anymore because *GASP* I spanked the Princess for running away from me and getting into the road. I'm sorry but a light and breezy tone doesn't cut it when my child is running into the path of a moving car. (She knew better and she had already been told not to do that once, this was her second [and almost last ever] offense.)

Oh wait ... spanking. That makes 4 Great Debates.

Lovely. More arguments to keep up with. I'm never leaving my house again.

An entirely different Mommy

I just have so much less energy and creativity with this kid than I did with the Princess. With her I was brimming with decorating ideas for her nursery, name ideas, dreams, desires to shop & things to do ...

This kid has yet to get any of that mommy-in-overdrive attention. I don't even have the motivation to think about names yet. We don't know what s/he is yet so why stress, we'll deal with it in 14 days after the big REVEAL ultrasound. I'm not worried about shopping, I know what we need & we can do all that in one trip a few months from now. I'm not worried about decorating seeing as we already have a nursery set up & we'll just transfer the baby from the bassinet into the nursery after a few months. I'm not worried about transitioning the Princess into a big girl room because 1/ if it's a girl they'll share the room 2/if it's a boy, then we'll move her in Feb once the baby needs the nursery.

All the caffeine I refused to touch with the Princess ~ that's out the window. This kid gets coffee & Dr. Pepper like they're going out of style. I'm not craving the fresh fruits & veggies that I Had. To. Have. with her, this one wants barbecue potato chips & those Popsicles in the plastic sleeves (the ones that cost $2 for 150 of them). Have I mentioned that I LOATHE Dr. Pepper & barbecue chips on a normal day ... apparently this kid is just like it's father too.

Man this kid is SO not getting the same Mommy that the Princess got ~ maybe that's a good thing in the long run. I don't think I could keep up that intensity and have a toddler this time around.

I took Swistle's advice

Apparently Friday night I turned the Hubs down! I wasn't even conscious, that can't be held against me (can it?) ... We started talking on Saturday after he told me why he was a tiny bit upset with me ~ I took Swistle's advice & asked him for a 3 minute overview.

I'll be darned if he wasn't happy to oblige a girl .... sort of.

My non-participation took 3 minutes .... my reciprocation took 20. Not quite the result I was looking for there.

We wound up having a long discussion on the changes in our sex life as a result of pregnancy & I'm not sure if I'm happy about where this landed.

His points:
Full out sex while preggy freaks him out.
He likes the idea of just the replacement activities.
He wants to feel closer to me, but the whole "baby on board" thing is a line he won't cross.

My points:
When I am in the mood while preggy ~ I'm REALLY. In. The. Mood.
His withholding the full enchilada makes me feel even grosser.
Our replacement activities are limited since I have a horrid gag reflex now.
I want to feel closer to him, but his picket line pisses me off.

And the dude has Got. To. STOP! initiating while I'm trying to get my REM sleep on.

We're trying to figure out a plan which satisfies all parties involved & requires a minimum of mess and time ... maybe we'll get there before Christmas. Is this a normal reaction for hubbies? I've tried to explain to him that he can't hurt me or the baby, even with all my other crappy stuff going on right now ~ having sex won't affect the pregnancy. He won't hit the baby in the head or break my water .... but he will not budge on this line. I would ask my IRL friends, but they already know far too much about my sex life ~ you people wouldn't know me if I stole your buggy in Target! HA!! (I would never commit that sacrilege!)

Is this normal or do I need to seek help for him?

How long is too long?

You heard me whine about having the sex life of a turtle.

You heard my confusion just days later when, out of the blue, Hubs turned insatiable.

You know the ramifications of that rainy season.

You know that I'm not in the mood to be touched lately.

So knowing all that ... how long is too long?

Let's put it this way ~ the candy store has been closed since Baby New Year's conception. I'm 16 weeks along. It's been a long dry spell & the Hubs is starting to crack under the pressure*.

The problem is that I have NO motivation. None, nada, zip, zilch, zero. I have occasionally handled the situation on my own in a minimum of time (massaging shower heads were sent by God to help all girls. Get one tonight ~ you'll thank me tomorrow.) I'm just not interested in the "activity" itself anymore. It takes too long, it's messy & sweaty & damn it I'm tired & want to go to bed already.

If he could cut the production down to a 3 minute overview ~ I would SO be on board ... maybe.

Should I just suck it up, give it up & hope that the mood catches up with me somewhere before the end? Am I the ONLY pregnant woman on earth who isn't addicted to sex 24/7 and twice on Sundays? (Believe me, this is what his friend's are telling him & I'm going to have to kill them for that)

I went through the same thing when I was pregnant with the Princess. The sex fairy found our house for 2 weekends out of a 39 week pregnancy. Hubs was less than impressed with her visitation schedule then, at this point he's convinced she's just boycotting our house.

He hasn't figured out yet that I've paid her to stay away until Valentine's Day.



*Hubs has been very sweet & supportive ~ he's only mentioned the drought once & he's not harping or guilting me into anything. I just feel bad for him & wonder if this is normal or if I shouldn't just buck up & help a brother out before he starts to grow hair on his palms or something.

Leaked Batman Preview

These kind of leaks normally get taken down quickly ~ so I can't promise this video will be around for long ~ but here you go!

VIDEO REMOVED BY SOURCE. SORRY!!

I CANNOT WAIT!

Heath Ledger & Christian Bale ~ Oh. The. Hotness.

Honestly, even if I hadn't liked every other Batman movie that's been made during my lifetime ~ I would still go see this one solely to see those two beautiful beautiful men.

If only we had a regular babysitter I would have some clue as to when I'll be able to go see the movie. This is one of those I'm not allowed to even think of seeing without Hubs, so no chance of seeing it until one of the In-laws can get up here to watch the kiddo for 3 hours or so. And since EvilSIL is spawning her 5th child today ~ it could be Christmas before we see them again.

If it weren't for the Batman movie that would be the happiest sentence I've ever uttered.

Visions of punching her danced through my head

I need to write one of those NBC / Now you Know / PSA things. It will be directed at people who speak to very ill & unhappy pregnant women ...

"When your friend is ill, unhappy & about to vomit on your shoes ~ that is not the time to brag on how perfect and wonderful your own pregnancy has been. (chimes) Now you know."

I made the mistake of walking outside to check the mail & was waylaid by two neighbors who have seen the nurses coming & going from my house lately. I told them what was going on & that it's just my morning sickness kicking into an unholy gear.

I swear to you ~ I didn't get the words out of my mouth & the pregnant one started in on how WONDERFUL and SUNSHINY and INCREDIBLE her pregnancy has been. I think I saw a little fairy dust fall from her mouth while she was raving on how much she loves being pregnant.

Do you know how badly I wanted to punch that bitch? I'm not her biggest fan on my good day (she's one of the women who, while I was pregnant with the Princess, told me if I would just exercise more I wouldn't be so sick during pregnancy. Lovely. Would you exercise with the flu? No? I didn't think so.) Did she really have to say all that as I was explaining why there have been nurses at my house every day for 2 weeks?

I quickly excused myself and went back into the house to break down in tears without them seeing.

I feel so guilty for not already being bonded with this baby right now. I feel horrid for knowing what birth control I want to use in January ~ and yet having no clue what I want to name this child. And where will this kid sleep?! Not a clue. Haven't even thought about that yet.

By this point with the Princess we had already purchased her nursery furniture & it was being delivered. I had already picked out the decor & it was sitting in her closet waiting to be set up. I already knew that she was a girl (we had an emergency u/s at 15 weeks & they were able to tell us then) but we had "known" she was a girl in our hearts for weeks before that ~ this kid? Not a clue. Hubs was already talking to her & bonding with her ~ this kid? We have 24 weeks left, we'll get there eventually.

I was already singing to the Princess by this point & she had favorite lullabies the day she was born. Seriously, the "Little Black Raincloud" song from Winnie-the-Pooh. She's loved it since the day she was born & kicked to it inutero. This kid hasn't gotten any of those yet.

Is this just normal "second kid", less excitement, exhaustion kinda stuff ~ or is this morning sickness changing everything? We didn't have to work to get pregnant with this kiddo (unlike the Princess), does that change the pregnancy emotions?

I hate that girl for bragging on her wonderful (3rd) pregnancy ... I hate that I am not getting to have that kind of pregnancy. I hate that I'm jealous of that.

The poster family for non-traditional parenting.

By now the whole country has heard that John McCain doesn't approve of gay couples adopting because "children need both parents".

And by now most people know that while, no, Obama won't agree to gay marriage - he will agree to gay adoptions. Although, shock of shocks, adoption is not a federal issue but instead, each state (and even private agencies) makes their own rules independently. So the president has no say in the matter. But it's a nice "stand" for him to make right?

And just realllll quick ... Mr. McCain ~ how does having two of the "same" parent make life any worse for a kid who has no parents ... or only one who doesn't want them anymore? Just a little query. No pressure to get back to me on that one.

So here are my thoughts. (That shocks you right?)

Hubs & I aren't exactly the normal nuclear family ~ He stays home & takes over the traditional SAHM role while I work outside of the home & bring in the bulk of our income. Come February 2009 he'll be SAHD with 2 kids under the age of 3. Send him your prayers as he will desperately need them.

How does it matter who stays home with the kids so long as they are loved, fed, changed, & played with on a daily basis?

Hubs would kill me for telling you this ~ but the guy makes a pretty good mom. He can cook, clean & do laundry. He can change diapers, pull hair up in pony tails & even sew up torn dollies. Granted I do better hair & my slip stitch is a little tighter than his ~ but so what? He can do all of that & still have time to snuggle on the couch watching Phineas & Ferb every afternoon.

He may not keep the house as clean as I would expect ~ but I'm not having to do it so I'm shutting up now.

He doesn't handle the multiple tasks as well as I think I do ~ but again, I'm not having to do it so I'm shutting up now.

If we were a gay couple ~ he would be the "mom" figure & I would play the role of the traditional father. Or we could be lesbian & I would be butch ... Ok I don't like this comparison anymore.

My point is ~ no Mom or Dad fully fits the traditional June & Ward Cleaver roles so who cares what's between your legs while you're doing the dishes or changing the diapers? Kids don't care the gender that their parents fill --- they just care that they have parents doing the job!!

Why is gay adoption a presidential stance? Shouldn't this be a no-brainer?

ANY loving & willing parents are better than shitty/non-existent ones. Even if they do happen to have matching genitalia.

Morning Sickness Hell.

This is one of those posts where I could just truly be anonymous. Say the words & never see them again, close the book & never think about those dark corners of my psyche.

I hate feeling like this, I hate this sickness. I hate taking every step feeling like I'm on the deck of a boat and the waves are rolling beneath me with no release. I hate feeling like I'm going to hurl at any moment, and yet trying not to hurl because I tend to pee a little when I do (you REALLY wanted to know that part didn't you?!).

I hate being pregnant.

I wish I didn't. I wish I had the fun pregnancies where I only saw my doctor for scheduled visits. I wish I didn't have the fun complications of severe morning sickness & recurrent dehydration. I wish I didn't know what the ER in my hospital looks like, I wish I had made it to the beach this weekend. I wish I hadn't spent 6 of the last 8 days laid up with IV's & medications making it so that I can breathe without throwing up.

I really cannot express how much I hate to throw up.

I wish that I could post this anonymously because I don't want to remember that I said this in another year .... but I'm not sure how much more of this pregnancy I can handle. 15 weeks and 2 days in & I'm ready to tap out ~ and yet I know there are 24 weeks and 5 days of fun left ahead of me. So far I've had 4 pregnancies & each one has involved morning sickness in worsening degrees ... I no longer hold out hope that any pregnancy will get better, that I won't be sick next week or that any of these meds will keep me from hurling every 10 minutes.

I wish there was a color to describe how sick I feel right now ...


My lovely friend, the IV. My constant companion and nemesis.


My poor arm. This was 2 days ago when the IV was in my elbow (for 3 days). This was before they blew out the vein lower in my arm & then placed it in my hand. My arm looks like I have been beaten & I can't move my ring or pinky fingers. Is that normal?


This is the pretty blue Reglan pump. I'm not convinced it's working ~ but it's easier to tote around than the IV pole.

At least I get to be sick at home in my own bed right? It could be much worse & I could be stuck in the hospital, running up a bigger tab & watching crappy cable ... at least here I have my DVR & satellite to keep me company.

And I'm officially in the SECOND TRIMESTER!!!! WOOHOO!!!! One down baby!

Risking it all & running away

I was put on IV drips yesterday for the dehydration (have I mentioned the horrid world wrecking morning sickness?) I was given a choice between home health care & hospitalization.

I have my laptop & internet connection ~ you can guess which option I picked.

So I have my IV & now my new friend "The Pump". It gives me a dose of anti-nausea medication every 10 minutes, the idea is that I'll never have a down-swing of medication & that should keep me stable & (hopefully) vomit free. I was on the same pump during my pregnancy with the Princess ~ it lasted 16 weeks & cost upwards of $18000. Yeah, I didn't put any extra zeros in there - you read that right. It cost less to give birth than it did to survive the morning sickness.

I'll post pics of my new boyfriend "The IV Pole" later when I get a chance ~ but suffice it to say that living with a toddler and an IV pole is just a ball of laughs. And then a few yelps as she grabs the freakin IV lines. OWW!

Ok maybe I should have opted for the hospital room ... but I wanted to keep my DVR & 300 satellite cable channels. I'm shallow that way.

SO. The home health care nurse comes back tomorrow morning & she's fairly sure I'll be able to come off the IV at that point. The plan is that as soon as she hits the door ~ so do we. We're leaving for a desperately needed weekend in Pensacola. I need sun, wind & ocean waves for a few hours. The inlaws are planning on tagging along & they'll help us with the kiddo ~ DH will be my personal cabana boy & I'll plop my preggy tail in a chair under a large umbrella & zone out for the rest of the afternoon. DH will be busy filling my water bottle & keeping me calm as the inlaws wander farther and farther out into the surf with my child.

As long as the pump works & I don't have to see what the beach ER's look like on the Fourth of July ~ I should be fine.

If not ~ I'll let you know if they have any cute doctors.

HAPPY FOURTH!!!

Constance Confessional

We need a priest around here ... I think I may need to go to confession. I was really evil last night.

Brace yourself.

I hated my neighbors children.

I KNOW! Pregnant women & mothers aren't supposed to hate other people's kids right? I broke the carnal code of "Love thy friend's children".

But damn these kids bug me!!!

I was trying to relax on the couch with my Orville's cheddar covered popcorn & watching Gene Simmons Family Values (my love for the DVR machine knows no bounds). All of the sudden I hear all this yelling & squealing ... in my front yard. I look out in the pitch black of night to see my neighbors kids playing in the front yard ~ no parents around ~ two 4 year olds and a 9 year old. At 9:30 at night.

WHAT?!? Quit yelling in my yard & go home to your parents!!

To be honest, these three bug me on a good afternoon ~ but at 9:30 at night I don't like having anyone's kids around. Hell, mine goes to bed at 8 so that we can be done before I loose all patience for the night.

Hubs went out & told them to get out of our yard & go on home (right next door, not like there was far to go, but still). This was after I stormed into his office with a 15 minute tirade on small children, dark streets, my relaxation disturbance and several choice 4 letter words and inventive combinations for them.

Hubs thought it would be safer if he sent the kids home. I can't figure out why.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who can't stand other people's children. I realize this could be a handicap for my own kids in the future ~ but I'm just not the mom who loves everyone and makes cookies & has swim parties & lets the neighborhood kids run wild through her house all day. I'm the mom who doesn't like to do playdates with more than one kiddo at a time, and playgroups are like anthrax in my world.

I love my friends ~ but (some of) their kids are my kryptonite.

I'm going to suck when my kids hit the school years, aren't I?