I miss my sex life. Not so much that I'm willing to loose more sleep to fix it, but I do miss it.
We have a great time when we have sex ~ there are never any disappointments, everyone gets to have their fun on the ride (sometimes two or three times!). We just don't think to have sex very often.
Lemme see if I can explain this one.
When we started dating I was working out of town so we only saw each other on the weekends Very little sex time! We never stayed the night with each other, I think it was the ghosts of our (recently) past relationships that kept us apart in those first months.
By the time we moved in together I had a normal 8-5 job and he was working in sales and would be out until 9 or 10 every night and then working most Saturdays. Again, no real time for a sex life. When he got home I was ready to pass out. When I was up and hyper on the weekends, he was drained and ready to pass out.
We were 2 years into our relationship before we had relatively similar schedules. Even in his last job Hubs has always worked long hours ~ the last was 7am - 6pm with Saturday mornings thrown in for extra torture. We fell into a pattern of not having sex on a regular basis and it worked for us.
Then we wanted to have a baby. Thanks to a certain set of uncooperative ovaries (I'm talking to you ya lazy little hosebags!) we were forced to go the medicated/scheduled baby making route. Let me just tell you what wonders THAT does for your sex drive (insert image of buses slamming into the side of a mountain and exploding on impact). And then add pregnancy, early 2nd trimester miscarriage, subsequent surgery, fertility meds /tests/exams, and 2nd pregnancy into the mix. It's a recipe for sexual disaster.
During my pregnancy with the Princess I think the Sex Fairy showed up at our house 4 times. Hubs didn't get anything that resembled a "mouth hug" until 3 months post-partum. That part was just as much his choice as it was mine though, I lost 40 pounds because of severe morning sickness & he didn't want to risk being puked on. I thought that was very kind of him.
Since we had the kiddo, I've had to heal from an episiotomy & hemorrhoids & I'm telling you ~ "the urge" has just not been present in our house. I would love to say that it will show up again in force ~ but it's never been a HUGE presence in our relationship. When it does show up it's a very lovely & welcome family member.
I don't know if we should pressure ourselves to increase the frequency or just live & let quietly live. We can openly talk about our sex life together, we are both satisfied with the type - but we both admit that it would be nice to see more of each other. Our biggest problems seem to be his exhaustion as a SAHD, my exhaustion as a WOOTHM & student.
Should we be worried or can we make it to a 50th wedding anniversary with a lazy sex life?
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1 comment:
I am kind of split on this one. On the one hand I think that if you guys are both satisfied with your lives and the frequency with which you have sex then there is no need to worry about it. And I also don't think that you need to worry about being on the same schedule or whatever as other people, because every couple should do whatever works for them.
But on the other hand I do think sex is important and can be a nice and easy way to connect with each other, especially if there are other stresses in your lives. And it sounds like you both enjoy sex a lot when you do have it.
So I guess what I would say is try not to put pressure on yourselves to up the frequency right now with everything going on in your lives. But if you feel the urge, even a little bit, capitalize on the situation, and maybe in a month or a year or a few years when things have stabilized a bit, you will be able to make more time for sex.
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