I hate feeling like this, I hate this sickness. I hate taking every step feeling like I'm on the deck of a boat and the waves are rolling beneath me with no release. I hate feeling like I'm going to hurl at any moment, and yet trying not to hurl because I tend to pee a little when I do (you REALLY wanted to know that part didn't you?!).
I hate being pregnant.
I wish I didn't. I wish I had the fun pregnancies where I only saw my doctor for scheduled visits. I wish I didn't have the fun complications of severe morning sickness & recurrent dehydration. I wish I didn't know what the ER in my hospital looks like, I wish I had made it to the beach this weekend. I wish I hadn't spent 6 of the last 8 days laid up with IV's & medications making it so that I can breathe without throwing up.
I really cannot express how much I hate to throw up.
I wish that I could post this anonymously because I don't want to remember that I said this in another year .... but I'm not sure how much more of this pregnancy I can handle. 15 weeks and 2 days in & I'm ready to tap out ~ and yet I know there are 24 weeks and 5 days of fun left ahead of me. So far I've had 4 pregnancies & each one has involved morning sickness in worsening degrees ... I no longer hold out hope that any pregnancy will get better, that I won't be sick next week or that any of these meds will keep me from hurling every 10 minutes.
I wish there was a color to describe how sick I feel right now ...
My lovely friend, the IV. My constant companion and nemesis.
My poor arm. This was 2 days ago when the IV was in my elbow (for 3 days). This was before they blew out the vein lower in my arm & then placed it in my hand. My arm looks like I have been beaten & I can't move my ring or pinky fingers. Is that normal?
This is the pretty blue Reglan pump. I'm not convinced it's working ~ but it's easier to tote around than the IV pole.
At least I get to be sick at home in my own bed right? It could be much worse & I could be stuck in the hospital, running up a bigger tab & watching crappy cable ... at least here I have my DVR & satellite to keep me company.
And I'm officially in the SECOND TRIMESTER!!!! WOOHOO!!!! One down baby!
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5 comments:
Have they thought about putting in a picc line? I'm so sorry....One of my best friends went through this with both of her pregnancies and the second one was horrific....if her Dr. had been upfront with her about the odds of it getting worse than her first time around she would NOT have gotten pregnant again.
hang in there...you know the prize at the end is worth it. YOU CAN MAKE IT !!!!
Wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. I only had first trimester morning sickness but I can imagine how hopeless I would have felt if I knew it would go on like that for the whole ten months. At least you'll be able to have top-notch bragging rights when it's all over? :) Hang in there!
PS-Don't beat yourself up for feeling so down about it. Of course you feel frustrated and upset! That is a completely normal response to your circumstances. It doesn't mean you don't love or want that little one!
I'm so sorry, honey! And yes, don't beat yourself up. I can't imagine how hard this is. It's okay to not be sunny all of the time.
you are a trooper. so sorry this is happening-but the end result will be worth it! =)
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