I need to write one of those NBC / Now you Know / PSA things. It will be directed at people who speak to very ill & unhappy pregnant women ...
"When your friend is ill, unhappy & about to vomit on your shoes ~ that is not the time to brag on how perfect and wonderful your own pregnancy has been. (chimes) Now you know."
I made the mistake of walking outside to check the mail & was waylaid by two neighbors who have seen the nurses coming & going from my house lately. I told them what was going on & that it's just my morning sickness kicking into an unholy gear.
I swear to you ~ I didn't get the words out of my mouth & the pregnant one started in on how WONDERFUL and SUNSHINY and INCREDIBLE her pregnancy has been. I think I saw a little fairy dust fall from her mouth while she was raving on how much she loves being pregnant.
Do you know how badly I wanted to punch that bitch? I'm not her biggest fan on my good day (she's one of the women who, while I was pregnant with the Princess, told me if I would just exercise more I wouldn't be so sick during pregnancy. Lovely. Would you exercise with the flu? No? I didn't think so.) Did she really have to say all that as I was explaining why there have been nurses at my house every day for 2 weeks?
I quickly excused myself and went back into the house to break down in tears without them seeing.
I feel so guilty for not already being bonded with this baby right now. I feel horrid for knowing what birth control I want to use in January ~ and yet having no clue what I want to name this child. And where will this kid sleep?! Not a clue. Haven't even thought about that yet.
By this point with the Princess we had already purchased her nursery furniture & it was being delivered. I had already picked out the decor & it was sitting in her closet waiting to be set up. I already knew that she was a girl (we had an emergency u/s at 15 weeks & they were able to tell us then) but we had "known" she was a girl in our hearts for weeks before that ~ this kid? Not a clue. Hubs was already talking to her & bonding with her ~ this kid? We have 24 weeks left, we'll get there eventually.
I was already singing to the Princess by this point & she had favorite lullabies the day she was born. Seriously, the "Little Black Raincloud" song from Winnie-the-Pooh. She's loved it since the day she was born & kicked to it inutero. This kid hasn't gotten any of those yet.
Is this just normal "second kid", less excitement, exhaustion kinda stuff ~ or is this morning sickness changing everything? We didn't have to work to get pregnant with this kiddo (unlike the Princess), does that change the pregnancy emotions?
I hate that girl for bragging on her wonderful (3rd) pregnancy ... I hate that I am not getting to have that kind of pregnancy. I hate that I'm jealous of that.
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7 comments:
When I was pregnant with my second child, I lost 10 pounds in the first trimester and wondered how the heck I had forgotten how utterly miserable I had been thru the first pregnancy (Gods way of perpetuating the species is to give you total amnesia when it comes to morning sickness:) I was explaining to a 'friend' why I had been missing church, she suggested that I go for a walk every day "to take my mind off it". I resisted the urge to smack her and instead told her that I would have to take the toilet with me so I could vomit every 5 steps but yeah that sounded like a good idea...NOT!
I love that you compare it to exercising with the flu....at least the clods will possibly have something to compare it to (altho, both you and I know it's exceedingly worse...at least with the flu you know it's going to be over in a few days!)
It may not help much (nothing does:) but despite not knowing you, I will be praying that all goes as well as it can....considering.
I can't take credit ~ Hubs came up with the flu analogy during the last pregnancy. He was trying to explain to his dad how bad I felt & said something to the effect of "It's like the flu - she's starving but she can't stop throwing up, she's exhausted & achy & all she wants to do is sleep. For 9 months." His dad was floored & never suggested that I just tag along for dinner again ;)
But thank you for the prayers ~ I can use all the hotlines to the Big Guy that there are. I've been considering asking Mary to nudge her Son for me ... maybe she would have more sympathy!
My morning sickness was exactly like a perfectly awful case of seasickness. Anyone whose every felt really terribly seasick would know that there is NO WAY they would be out exercising and there is certainly nothing you can do to just "take your mind off it." I know how hard it is to ignore ignorant people like that, but that's really all that can be done about them. Other than losing your shit and screaming at them. Which might also be satisfying. And hey! Maybe THAT would take your mind off it! :)
I said it before, and I'll say it again, you are SO not alone! You are neither a bad person nor a bad mommy for feeling the way you feel. And, as you said yourself, you'll get there eventually (to the being happy and excited part - not the bad mommy part)!
i would have wanted to slap her too. some people just have no tact and are so rude. sorry she's your neighbor.
the second child does get less attention than the first. this is something that my husband and i are always trying to make up for with our 2nd child who is 10 months old. and when i was pregnant with her, it was a lot different. her room wasn't done until like a week before she was born, we didn't know her name until i was 37 weeks along and we were pretty nonchalant about the whole thing, since we were seasoned, expert parents by now. and in all honesty, i was not that happy that i was pregnant with a one year old. I wanted to have them close, but that close? I was shocked. Once i started showing and the morning sickness wore off, I felt a lot better and started feeling bonded to the babes.
i am sure that will happen for you too. but it's got to be really hard to be happy, and maternal and super duper stoked when you are ready to barf all the time. hang in there.
sending prayers and non-barfing vibes your way!
I could have written your post word-for-word. I'm 20 weeks just yesterday and I was severely sick until very recently. During the hell that was my first trimester and first part of 2nd trimester I received all sorts of unsolicited advice from my well meaning but incredibly ignorant SIL, who thinks that a combination of an all organic diet and good old fasioned prayer would have solved all of my ills. Needless to say, I wanted to kill the bitch too, and I don't blame you one bit for your feelings towards your uppity neighbors.
As for the whole 2nd child thing... I TOTALLY know where you're coming from. I was so, so, so much more excited when I was pregnant with DD. This time around, I feel a sense of "meh". Even though we really wanted to get pregnant, I think the shine has diminished significantly this time around. I attribute it mostly to the fact that this time, I know what I'm getting myself into... the whole birth thing, the sleepless nights, the bleeding nipples, etc. etc. and then the hellish time for most parents that is dealing with a willful toddler. The first time around, I had no clue what I was in for, and therefore was able to romanticize and feel love for my pregnancy a bit more than I can right now. The severe morning sickness was icing on my anxiety-ridden cake so-to-speak.
Anyways, long story short (or maybe it's too late for that), I don't think what you're feeling is weird at all. I hope that once your morning sickness subsides that you can feel more attached and excitement for your pregnancy.
On a separate note, and I know it might be too late to help (or you might not want it), but I had an Rx for Reglan too, and it did not work for me at all. My dr. switched me to Zofran, which was a miracle. I only had to take the pills (not the pump) and they worked within minutes of taking them. I still take one every once in a while when I'm having a particularly bad belly day. I didn't get my Rx until 14 weeks though... I could have used it at 5 weeks!
I wish you all the best!
Ugh, I hate those kind of people. Not just because it is so condescending but REALLY who has sunshine and rainbows beaming from their ass 24/7?
I hated being pregnant and loved telling every "Oh, but it's so AWESOME" person that little tidbit of information and seeing the look of utter shock cross their face.
I sure hope you get to feeling better, though!
OMG - I am not as far along as you, but seriously? I would love nothing more than to punch every blessed person who has said to me "but you'll LOVE being pregnant" right in the eye. :)
*Hugs* and I hope this comment finds you feeling better!!
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