I just want to quit

I just want to quit being the one in charge ... I want to quit being the one who has to be responsible for fixing everything.

I want to quit being the one in charge of the bills.

I want to quit wondering how I'll ever retire when I can't afford to put money in my 401K.

I want to quit being the one who worries about being able to buy groceries.

I want to quit being the employee who has to help all these needy freaking claimants.

I want to quit being sick and tired all the time. Seriously, always sick & forever tired.

I want to quit being the daughter-in-law who answers all the questions about "Why isn't he working?"

I want to quit being the wife who worries about "Will he ever work again? Can we survive on my paycheck alone? How will we afford a second child? What if I snap and kill him in his sleep one night?"

I want to quit being the mommy who's supposed to be happy and make my child's life happy all. the. time.

I want to quit being the gestational host for this little person who STILL makes me violently ill at least 4 times a week.

I want my life to be easy & fun again. I want to know that money will be there, one way or the other & it will all work out fine in the end.

I want to be happy again ~ without happy pills or alcohol. I want to feel free and alive again without worrying about every single little thing in my life.

So far 30 sucks. Being an adult sucks. Being the parent - ok being the parent doesn't suck, but knowing that their little lives and happiness rest on your shoulders, that part sucks.

The part where pregnant women can't take Prozac ... that part sucks big time.

I know I've been a downer lately and all my posts seem to be tainted with fear and exhaustion ... it's just getting really rough to keep being the happy person lately .... I'm sure this mood will swing again & happiness will be back (in a manic way!) soon.