I'm hitting that point in the pregnancy where (at 24 weeks) I know that if something was to go wrong we could *try* to save the baby now, but there are still several weeks until we would really have a good chance of a happy outcome ... and I'm realizing that if something was to go horribly wrong, I would still have to go through labor just to come home empty handed.
I've had miscarriages at 12 & 14 weeks and those were bad enough. I have a friend who's had 2 stillbirths .... while I was in labor with the Princess it struck me that she had to go through all the same work, all the while knowing the heartbreak that was waiting for her in the end. I can't even imagine what that would be like, what that would do to your head & your heart.
A few weeks ago I opted not to have all the blood tests run to see if this baby had any defects. I have an aunt with Downs Syndrome & my mother has been a special ed teacher since the 70's. There's nothing you can throw at us that we won't be able to figure out, and anything physically wrong should show up on a sonogram - so I considered us covered & kept going. Now I'm doubting whether that was the smartest move.
I'm over 30 this time, I'm on more medications for morning sickness than I was last time (higher dosages this time), we have a toddler to think of & how this will affect her .... and wouldn't it be better if my heart knew that this baby was fine?
I keep reminding myself of the doctor's agreement with my decision "Since you don't like any of the follow up tests, there's no reason to scare yourself with blood tests that may be wrong." Hubs just nodded his head with whatever my decision was, he understands my reasoning. I don't want to do anything invasive that would risk the pregnancy & all the follow up tests carry a chance of miscarriage. With my history I would just rather not raise that risk any higher than necessary m'kay?
Suddenly in the last few days I've been plagued with questions of what if something is wrong? Shouldn't we find out now? Would we handle it better now, or would it drive us more insane to have 16 more weeks of uncertainty? What if there is a tiny ticking bomb in there that we need to know how to handle ASAP ... or what if absolutely nothing is wrong & my brain is just on overdrive?
I made the same decision with the Princess & everything turned out fine ~ so why am I so uncertain & doubting myself this time around?
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4 comments:
Oh, these are SUCH difficult things to think about. When I'm pregnant I always wish there was a little window in my tummy so we could just SEE that everything was okay.
Oh, honey, you are doubting yourself because that's what people do.
If you'd had the blood tests, you'd find something else to doubt yourself about.
There is no wrong answer.
If something is wrong, you will handle it, just as families did for centuries before all this testing was an option. Maybe already knowing would have eased the shock on delivery day, but you wouldn't really already know from blood tests, would you? You'd only know you had more cause to worry.
It's part of the job description of "M.O.M" (Master Of Madness) to worry. And it's much worse when you are preggers.
I don't ever get the tests done... cause really, for me, it won't change anything except the amount of time I have to WORRY.
It's ok, I think, honestly, that if you have a higher risk of loosing the baby without the all the tests... well, you made the right decision in my book.
It will all work out.
you wouldn't be human if you didn't worry and fret. but to give you some piece of mind (i hope). i have had several miscarriages. and i have 2 happy and healthy little ones now. just do whatever you can to relax and be stress free. you and your baby are going to be perfect.
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