Becoming my mother

As the Princess has gotten bigger I've noticed little statements flying from my mouth without my brain even registering them ... little things that I heard my mother say ten gazillion times as a child.

Oh. My. FARK!!!

When did this happen?!

Did some gene turn on at her first birthday party that I was unaware of?!

Hubs & I have conversations about discipline ideas & parenting rules, what values we want to instill in the girls, plans of how to handle foreseeable issues ~ and through them all I hear my mother somehow taking over my body and speaking through my mouth. I'm fairly sure she can't separate herself from her body & I know she's in Virginia .... but somehow she's using my vocal cords to raise my child.

It's not that I don't appreciate how I was raised - Bubba & I turned out to be fairly well adjusted members of society - but it's the memories of how much I hated her growing up, that's what scares me.

My mom was a tiny bit of a Nazi was confused for Hitler's daughter very strict when it came to discipline. It was her way & there was no highway option, just BAM! Her. Period. (Daddy was there too but let's face it - he deferred to her wisdom in all things child-rearing.) Mom was creative and calculating in her punishments, you were never quite sure what you were in for but you could be assured it was going to huuuurt! Whether it was physical or emotional, she managed to tag you RIGHT on the ass. It's almost impressive to look back on ... and yet still, a tad hateful. She used her knowledge of our weaknesses as weapons against us & so I stopped sharing anything with her. She used her friends as spies religiously (I still can't believe some of them were so willing to help her out) and you never knew who she had reporting to her.

I don't want my girls to hate me or block me out the way I did with my mother. I know I'm not ready to hear my mother's words flying from my mouth ... I'm just hoping that when they do, they come across with more love and patience than I remember hearing.