Bring on the migraine

I hate Mondays. I reeeeeeeally hate Mondays.

I dropped the Princess off at the sitters this morning & was greeted by "Do you have a second, we need to talk."

Turns out that our discussions about "are you sure you can handle my one year old plus your 3 kids?" were just all for naught.

She's been watching the kiddo for one month - I've asked her 3 or 4 times in the last month if everything is alright, if she's sure this is working for her, if she's ok with the fact that I can't pick Princess up until 6pm ... Nope, everything's been fine, she loves having her, it's all great. Her husband even thanked Hubs for letting them keep her because they've been in such a tight financial spot & the income was great for them. They asked US to start keeping her - I NEVER asked her to do this for me, I never imposed, I never asked her to keep her one minute longer than she had to - I've picked her up early several times & Hubs has taken her late several times ~ just to help her out ... all while paying her MORE than we would pay a daycare.

Well they sold their first house 2 weeks ago & now they are down to one mortgage ... and that freed up $$$ in their budget. So guess who no longer needs to work. And now all the little things that I was scared of ~ now they are all just too much for her.

Well yummy.

I'm sorry - but the fact is that I asked her REPEATEDLY BEFORE this started to really think about what she was getting into, if she was sure, if she could handle it ... and now she's dropping my kid.

I know that she & her hubs had a fight last week - in front of my daughter - which was almost enough to make me pull her out, but I didn't want to screw her over based on one bad day & it's damn near impossible to find a daycare in my area that's not filled to capacity with a 6 month waiting list. I have bent over backward to accomodate everything I can to make this as easy as possible on the sitter ~ I don't care if she runs errands with my kiddo in tow, I don't care if she takes her out 3 times a day to drop her boys off at their schools & then to pick them up at two different times. I adjusted to the fact that the Princess watched more tv there than she does at home ~ you have to do what you can to entertain her while you deal with the other kids - I get that. I liked that we got in return - a mommy environment, healthy lunches & snacks, constant feedback on her progress, fewer kids to get her sick, actual one-on-one time with an adult, and that she was with someone that I trust completely ....

Just excuse me for a sec while I throw up.

Moving her again will make the 4th daycare setting the Princess has had in 13 months of daycare time. I never wanted to put her in this position ~ it feels like every time she gets comfortable & happy SOMETHING goes wrong & I have to pull her out.

The first time her daycare closed down with NO notice
The second time the only daycare with spots available on 2 days notice .... well there was a reason they had so many spaces available. They were shitty.
This third time ~ she's being kicked out.

I hate hate hate hate hate this. I feel guilty enough that I have to even have my child in daycare. I feel shitty enough that my husband doesn't make enough money for me to stay home with my child like EVERY SINGLE OTHER FRIEND I HAVE DOES. All I want is for my child to have a happy, safe, comfortable place to go every day while I come to work. All I want is to find a daycare setting where she is loved & cared for - and where I feel comfortable leaving her.

Can I just scream curse words at the top of my voice for a few minutes? I hate this for my baby, I hate this for the extra bonus stress it's putting on my life ~ and I hate this because I know that Hubs will never forgive the sitter for putting us in this position & it will screw up my friendship with her.

Damn it I hate Mondays.