Confession ... obsession. Whatever.
**Attention passengers: We have reached the manic phase of the "two week wait", during which our brain will, temporarily, go insane. Please keep this in mind as you proceed. Thank you.**
Monday cannot come fast enough so that I can just find out what, if anything, is going on in my uterus. (Ok, I just had to google the spelling of uterus. My college education may not be worth as much as I thought.) I am technically supposed to, ahem, "start" on Friday ~ but I tend to be unpredictable so I'm not taking that as a sure fire sign.
I'm waiting until Monday night to test because that is my best friend's birthday ~ the only person IRL that knows about this little event. She's also the person who was with us for the Princess' delivery and has signed up to cut the cord on any subsequent kiddos. Hubs refuses to cut cords. #1 squishy things scare him & #2 he's scared he'll screw up & the kid will be permanently maimed & I'll never let him live it down. So the God-mother will be cutting our kids cords from now on, as strange as that may be.
Anyway ~ she feels that it would be good luck for me to wait until her birthday to test because:
1. She was staying the night with us on "the" night. (the beginning of the journey?!)
2. We would find out on her birthday
3. I would be 31 weeks on my 31st birthday on the 31st of October
4. It will be a Christmas/New Years baby
5. She will be there for the delivery. (to complete the circle?!)
She is convinced that those 4 factors together mean that I must must must be pregnant. If the girl knew a fertility dance she would have been getting after it for the last 11 days!
She's also the reason I've started to get excited about this idea. She sent me this email the other day:
Reasons that Baby #NOW would be perfect:
1. Close in age to Princess
2. Not so close that it would kill you in that first year
3. Hubs is at home raising her already, so throwing in one more wouldn't be as hard
4. Having Baby #NOW at Christmas would fall after your classes are done for the year & you could just take a month or two off early next year before you start your bachelor's courses.
5. Having Hubs at home means you could sleep at night while he fed the baby. Yeah, I threw that in just to make you laugh!
6. We would have a Christmas baby!
7. Princess would make such a good big sister
8. You would be 12 weeks pregnant for your brother's wedding, so it would be perfect timing to tell your family in person.
9. You already have all of the Princess' stuff from winter, so if it's another girl there is nothing to buy!
10. If it's a boy --- It's a BOY!!! Yippee! And it's right at Christmas so everyone else will buy the stuff for you!
Hurry up and test, I want my nephew. Or my niece. Either way - I love you!
Can you tell that my girl is a tad excited about this prospect? Her excitement has started to wear off on me, for all of the reasons that she listed & then just because I would love to be able to get pregnant without having to work for it. I know that sounds selfish ~ but I really would. I'm not ready to go through the trying and the charting and the temp taking and the pill popping and the blood work and the stress ohmystars the stress.
I think I actually want to be pregnant. Right now pregnant. I would love to have another little face running around my house, screaming and playing and climbing and even the dirty diapers. Ok maybe not the dirty diapers. Can I order a pre-potty trained child this time?
But OhGod I don't want to be excited about this. I just don't want to get heartbroken when the test is negative ... and I really do think the test will be negative .... and I really do think that it will break my heart. All over again. Why can't I just be normal?! Why can't I just get pregnant whenever I want to & not have to worry about my fertility odds if I wait another 3 years ... Why can't I just be normal & not get sooo upset at a negative test - why can't it just mean "not yet" instead of that unspoken "not yet and maybe not ever again BWAHAHAHA".
I think I've talked myself into wanting a baby that's not even there. And I have NO symptoms, but I don't remember when I got what symptoms with my miscarriages or Princess. When do symptoms start? Which ones did you get first?
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4 comments:
Oh man, I remember this phase of the crazy journey. I didn't get symptoms until well after I knew I was pregnant. I didn't start throwing up until about 7 weeks. I think tender boobs were my first symptom but that can also go with your period, so not a sure sign.
Ugh, the waiting!!!! I know it's going to be hard, to some level, either way.
PS - You have such an amazing friend!!!
I don't think I know many people who aren't completely invested by the time they test. If you are even remotely wanting to have a baby it's impossible not to get your hopes up. Good luck! I hope you get the result you want.
/Shannon (www.livinginthegray.com)
The only symptoms I get pre-expected-period is bursts of irrational crabbiness, and crampiness. Which, BONUS, are exactly like PMS symptoms! Yay!
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