Family Funerals: Bring on the K-RAZY

Last week my grandmother quickly deteriorated from: "Dang 82 is old dude" to "Damn, who knew a bladder infection could actually kill someone?" Apparently: Monday, healthy; Tuesday, sick & put on antibiotics; Friday, in ER unconscious with raging fever and Dr threatening ventilator; Saturday, my aunt calling family members asking them to say goodbye; Early Sunday morning, gone.

Oh yeah, Saturday was my birthday.

My family made a unified decision not to tell me about the impending doom so as not to screw up my birthday & my girls' halloween festivities. Either my InsaneAunt didn't get the message or didn't care as she called me that afternoon to tell me that my grandmother was pointing at my picture and they thought she wanted to talk to me. After InsaneAunt filled me in I had a quick (last) conversation with MomMom. She was unable to speak but I told her that I love her & what my girls were going to be for Halloween, what The Newbie is doing now & just generally tried not to sob big nasty snot bubbles into my cell phone.

As much crap as I give my husband, he never once questioned me as I told him "I have to be there, NOW." Within 8 hours we had packed up the car with enough stuff for 2 adults & 2 small children for 4 days & 18 hours of driving, taken the oldest trick or treating & cleaned the house so as not to come home to a tornado. (Also: we pack like we're traveling to a foreign country where Target does not exist.) We timed the trip so that the girls would sleep as we drove through the night, hoping to miss traffic & slide past sleeping cops. We were 3 hours out of town, 1/3 of the way through the trip when my mother called to tell us to turn around, MomMom had died.

She's been cremated and they held the funeral off for 2 weeks so that more family members could get to town for the service. And here's where the fun begins ::rolling eyes:: My grandmother has lived with InsaneAunt for the last several years (that's an entire chapter of posts). My cousins are grown with college degrees and well paying jobs and yet still depend on InsaneAunt & Uncle for a good portion of their disposable income. Their EntitledDaughter is 28 & still lives at home with them. They've sent their kids to Europe 3 times in the last 6 years, and yet gave me a tear-jerker speech last weekend about how paying the bills for my grandmother has been financially hard on them & they don't have enough money for their own phone bills every month. As it turns out, she has no bills & they've been relying on MomMom's $1,200 SSI check as additional income every month. Lovely right? My grandmother was upset about not having enough money to send me flowers when I gave birth, and yet their kids went to Europe on their dime .... *sigh* Their family lived with my grandmother for over 10 years after my grandfather died (without paying utilities or rent), in the guise of "Being there for her". You want to be there for a retired widow? Kick in with some rent chumps.

EntitledDaughter & EntitledSon are bringing dates to the funeral - a SMALL, family only funeral and they are bringing people they've only been dating for a few months & who have never met the family. They are only showing up at all because they feel guilty as I'm flying in with my 10month old & several second cousins are flying cross country for this weekend. If these two numbskulls can't manage to drive 2 hours to be at the funeral for a woman who they've lived over half of their life with, there would be a beat down like Vegas has never seen.

InsaneAunt is driving my mother batty & InsaneUncle literally pushed the funeral home paperwork toward my father so that he could be financially responsible for the funeral costs. Sweet, right? Thankfully MomMom had just enough life insurance to cover the cremation, inurnment and the service. She'll be buried next to my grandfather, in the plot she purchased after his death. It strikes me as odd that InsaneAunt & Uncle wanted to keep her on the mantle when there are 3 (THREE!) perfectly good, open plots sitting there that she purchased for our family .... hmm. Odd that my Down Syndrome Aunt, InsaneAunt & Uncle would vote to keep her on a shelf instead of burying her. Just odd.

The Newbie and I fly out Friday & come home Sunday. While I'm looking forward to 3 days with my family, it's going to be K-RAZY squared. Thankfully I have a bottle of xanax, since I can't smuggle liquor into a hotel room with my mother (OhGodSaveMe: I'll be sharing a hotel room with my parents. Iz 9 years old again.)