I will be playing the role of "Scrooge McDuck" this year.
Seriously ~ with a baby coming AT Christmas, a toddler to provide for & a house with one income ~ I'm cancelling Christmas for anyone that I haven't given birth to.
I told MIL & my Mom to take our names out of the family hats, don't get us anything - but especially don't expect anything from us this year. We are too broke to be buying presents for adults with their own checkbooks who make more than we do & I refuse to pull out the last of my credit cards just so that they can feel loved. If you don't already feel it ... well bite me, I'm too busy to kiss your tail!
This year is all about scaling back expectations ~ for ourselves, our families and (gulp) our daughter(s). Baby New Year will be getting diapers ... and the bassinet, new (BPA free) bottles, pacis and a stuffed puppy. Basically things she'll need to survive in our house once she arrives. The Princess will be getting a toy vacuum cleaner, fridge magnets, a new bath toy, and a Little Einsteins movie for her stocking stuffer. All but the Little Einstein movie were purchases I made last year & put away for this Christmas when I realized how overboard we went on her at one year old .... ya' know, back when we had money.
Oh, Santa is bringing her an Elmo Live & Baby New Year will be bringing her a Cabbage Patch Doll.
Please tell me this sounds like a respectable showing for a 2 year old ... keep in mind this doesn't include the clothes, kitchen center & play table that her grandparents are getting her as well as any presents that my parents send for her. I may be Scrooge this year, but my kid doesn't need to see that side of me until she's at least 9. Maybe 8.
Hubs & I have decided that while Santa may not love us this year, maybe the tax man will. Since we know that we should be getting a decent tax return this year (thank you my extra little write off!!) we will use part of that money to get a family Wii.
We put our Christmas on hiatus and cancelled on everyone else .... is that selfish?
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
Divorcing the In-Laws
I want to keep the hubby & loose his family ... is that possible?
I knew these people were crazy before we got married. I have no excuse for not running far, FAR away, other than the fact that I am head over heels for their son. But that defense is wearing thin lately.
Both sets of in-laws showed up last night (which is weird enough in & of itself) but then they proceeded to basically sling attacks on everything in our life. By the time they left Hubs was so pissed that he's threatening to boycott Thanksgiving & I was in the bathroom in tears. I honestly don't know how much more of this crap I can deal with before I just blow my top with these people.
This time was partly Hub's fault for telling his mother about our decision to declare bankruptcy. He may as well have taken out a full page ad in the local paper & announced it to the entire city. His mother can't keep her mouth shut long enough to swallow water, why on earth he thought she wouldn't tell the entire family is BEYOND me.
His dad took this as an opportunity to lambast him about men providing for their families & how screwed up he thinks it is for J to be staying home with our girls. He told him that he needs to get out & find a job - it's my job to stay home with the kids.
I got lectured for not getting a job making "better" money. Lovely ~ I should be home with the kids, or in a job making more money ... Whatever.
We're not strict enough with the Princess ~ she should be getting paddled with a spoon & she wouldn't be pitching fits. Throwing a temper tantrum is normal for two year olds ~ I'm not spanking her for telling me that she's frustrated. When his dad popped back with "Well I would spank her for that crap" ~ I spouted off & told him "And you wonder why I won't send her to spend the weekend with you."
If we would just put the Princess in daycare she would be talking by now. She speaks just fine - she just doesn't talk to them! LOL Her pediatrician, my mom (a special ed teacher) & my aunt (a speech therapist) have all listened to her & said that she is FINE. She just goes too fast to say one word at a time ~ she's trying to say a paragraph! But according to his family ~ she doesn't say [i]anything[/i]. She said "Thank you Grammy" to them last night, clear as a bell ~ then they tell me that she doesn't speak ~ HUH!?!?!
Hubs should go work offshore to provide for the family ... forget the fact that he's had multiple surgeries on his arms & knees - there's no way he would pass the physical. They harped on this over & over again until I finally said "NO. I did NOT get married to be a single parent. I grew up with military friends & saw how hard those absences were on their wives & kids, I will not live that life. And since Step-FIL couldn't keep his marriage going while working offshore ~ that's not really a shining example for how wonderful that life is, now is it?"
But my favorite of the night ~ FIL telling me that there's no reason for me to have a c-section / no one in their family has EVER had one / I should talk to EvilSIL before I do this ... um, why? Did she suddenly become the top perinatologist in our state? I'm leaving this decision to the two very highly trained specialists who I'm paying VERY good money to get this child here safely. I don't care what EvilSIL thinks & I'm not asking her opinion or her permission.
We ended the night being told that we are ungrateful & rude children who won't take their advice, and won't listen to their elders ... Hubs told his mother flat out that he's not speaking to her anymore ~ if she wants to know anything she can call me (she can't guilt me the way she can with him).
And then I was told that it was irresponsible of me to have gotten pregnant, I should have been on birth control. I bit my tongue before I reminded them that they see their grandchildren by my grace and kindness & that can be changed very quickly ... I would love to say that I would never take them away from his parents, but if they say this stuff TO us ~ what do they say behind our backs, what would they say to our kids?
His mother has been blowing up my cell phone since 10:00 last night when she got home ... his step-mother has had me on redial for the last 2 hours. I'm not in the mood to deal with either of them. I just don't care any more. I know we should probably suck it up & go to Thanksgiving & play nice ~ but I don't think I have "nice" left in me anymore. Anger + Hormones + a carving knife would end in a new headline for the morning paper!
I want a divorce, I just want to keep the hubby in the end ... is that too much to ask?
I knew these people were crazy before we got married. I have no excuse for not running far, FAR away, other than the fact that I am head over heels for their son. But that defense is wearing thin lately.
Both sets of in-laws showed up last night (which is weird enough in & of itself) but then they proceeded to basically sling attacks on everything in our life. By the time they left Hubs was so pissed that he's threatening to boycott Thanksgiving & I was in the bathroom in tears. I honestly don't know how much more of this crap I can deal with before I just blow my top with these people.
This time was partly Hub's fault for telling his mother about our decision to declare bankruptcy. He may as well have taken out a full page ad in the local paper & announced it to the entire city. His mother can't keep her mouth shut long enough to swallow water, why on earth he thought she wouldn't tell the entire family is BEYOND me.
His dad took this as an opportunity to lambast him about men providing for their families & how screwed up he thinks it is for J to be staying home with our girls. He told him that he needs to get out & find a job - it's my job to stay home with the kids.
I got lectured for not getting a job making "better" money. Lovely ~ I should be home with the kids, or in a job making more money ... Whatever.
We're not strict enough with the Princess ~ she should be getting paddled with a spoon & she wouldn't be pitching fits. Throwing a temper tantrum is normal for two year olds ~ I'm not spanking her for telling me that she's frustrated. When his dad popped back with "Well I would spank her for that crap" ~ I spouted off & told him "And you wonder why I won't send her to spend the weekend with you."
If we would just put the Princess in daycare she would be talking by now. She speaks just fine - she just doesn't talk to them! LOL Her pediatrician, my mom (a special ed teacher) & my aunt (a speech therapist) have all listened to her & said that she is FINE. She just goes too fast to say one word at a time ~ she's trying to say a paragraph! But according to his family ~ she doesn't say [i]anything[/i]. She said "Thank you Grammy" to them last night, clear as a bell ~ then they tell me that she doesn't speak ~ HUH!?!?!
Hubs should go work offshore to provide for the family ... forget the fact that he's had multiple surgeries on his arms & knees - there's no way he would pass the physical. They harped on this over & over again until I finally said "NO. I did NOT get married to be a single parent. I grew up with military friends & saw how hard those absences were on their wives & kids, I will not live that life. And since Step-FIL couldn't keep his marriage going while working offshore ~ that's not really a shining example for how wonderful that life is, now is it?"
But my favorite of the night ~ FIL telling me that there's no reason for me to have a c-section / no one in their family has EVER had one / I should talk to EvilSIL before I do this ... um, why? Did she suddenly become the top perinatologist in our state? I'm leaving this decision to the two very highly trained specialists who I'm paying VERY good money to get this child here safely. I don't care what EvilSIL thinks & I'm not asking her opinion or her permission.
We ended the night being told that we are ungrateful & rude children who won't take their advice, and won't listen to their elders ... Hubs told his mother flat out that he's not speaking to her anymore ~ if she wants to know anything she can call me (she can't guilt me the way she can with him).
And then I was told that it was irresponsible of me to have gotten pregnant, I should have been on birth control. I bit my tongue before I reminded them that they see their grandchildren by my grace and kindness & that can be changed very quickly ... I would love to say that I would never take them away from his parents, but if they say this stuff TO us ~ what do they say behind our backs, what would they say to our kids?
His mother has been blowing up my cell phone since 10:00 last night when she got home ... his step-mother has had me on redial for the last 2 hours. I'm not in the mood to deal with either of them. I just don't care any more. I know we should probably suck it up & go to Thanksgiving & play nice ~ but I don't think I have "nice" left in me anymore. Anger + Hormones + a carving knife would end in a new headline for the morning paper!
I want a divorce, I just want to keep the hubby in the end ... is that too much to ask?
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