Apparently Friday night I turned the Hubs down! I wasn't even conscious, that can't be held against me (can it?) ... We started talking on Saturday after he told me why he was a tiny bit upset with me ~ I took Swistle's advice & asked him for a 3 minute overview.
I'll be darned if he wasn't happy to oblige a girl .... sort of.
My non-participation took 3 minutes .... my reciprocation took 20. Not quite the result I was looking for there.
We wound up having a long discussion on the changes in our sex life as a result of pregnancy & I'm not sure if I'm happy about where this landed.
His points:
Full out sex while preggy freaks him out.
He likes the idea of just the replacement activities.
He wants to feel closer to me, but the whole "baby on board" thing is a line he won't cross.
My points:
When I am in the mood while preggy ~ I'm REALLY. In. The. Mood.
His withholding the full enchilada makes me feel even grosser.
Our replacement activities are limited since I have a horrid gag reflex now.
I want to feel closer to him, but his picket line pisses me off.
And the dude has Got. To. STOP! initiating while I'm trying to get my REM sleep on.
We're trying to figure out a plan which satisfies all parties involved & requires a minimum of mess and time ... maybe we'll get there before Christmas. Is this a normal reaction for hubbies? I've tried to explain to him that he can't hurt me or the baby, even with all my other crappy stuff going on right now ~ having sex won't affect the pregnancy. He won't hit the baby in the head or break my water .... but he will not budge on this line. I would ask my IRL friends, but they already know far too much about my sex life ~ you people wouldn't know me if I stole your buggy in Target! HA!! (I would never commit that sacrilege!)
Is this normal or do I need to seek help for him?
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5 comments:
Does he just not believe you that it won't hurt the baby? Or is it that he just doesn't want to have sex with a pregnant woman? Because to me those are very different things. If it's the former, maybe you need to sit him down with your ob/gyn or something and have them explain the facts. Or go online. If it's the latter, dude, I just don't know. It's harder to get around the pyschological barriers people create in their heads, but it's certainly not fair to you. Nor to him, really.
I HAVE heard of guys who are just totally squicked out by the idea of pregnant sex. I gather it's normal, while not being the MAJORITY of guys.
i don't think i was once in the mood for sex when pregnant, except one time when we were trying to induce my labor it was a totally un-sexy dutiful laying. my husband had to "settle" for blow jobs if he was lucky. he's lucky you have any sex drive at all!
i loved having sex while pregnant, sometimes i wish i was pregnant now just so i'd feel horny again. apathy describes how i feel at the moment. i say hubs better get while the gettings good and get over his hangups.
Ditto on lucidkims comment. I loved sex while I was pregnant and nothing would turn my husband off. To this day, I have standing orders to wake him at any time of the night if I am so inclined ....no matter what!
Shannon makes a good point too, you probably need to find out exactly what the issue is and see if there is maybe some kind of compromise. He really is missing out here.
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