Speaking of "Oral"

So the other day C the 1st mentioned that her Mom spilled the beans about her knowledge of b.l.o.w.j.o.b.s.. I think we all screamed a little inside hearing about anyone's Mom speaking of such things. I mean - ICK. There's a difference in having the general knowledge that anyone's mother *could* be doing such things ~ and then knowing whether your own mother does .... excuse me I have to go throw up real quick.

Ok, all better.

C the 1st got me to thinking: Someday my daughter is going to learn this aspect of sex, and ohmygod I need to hurl again. In like 30 or 40 years the Princess is going to have a guy expect one of those.

There are things that I hope my daughter learns about sex ~ things which I have no clue how she will learn because I have absolutely no intention of being the one to tell her.

I hope she learns that:

It's fun. It's really fun.
It can be a wonderful part of your marriage when the sex is great.
When it's awful it can cause divorces.
Trying new things is never a bad thing ~ but to never do anything she's not comfortable with.
NEVER under any circumstances let anyone take pictures of her - or take pics of herself to give to anyone.
NEVER under any circumstances let the deed be taped. Even in marriage it's just not a good idea. Divorces happen and those tapes get "lost" ... or stuck online for the world to see in an act of vengeance.
NEVER Swallow. It can give you cancer.

You think I'm joking??

Oral Sex Blamed for Rise in Throat Cancer

Go look ~ it will make you very very happy to have been the prude in your high school class.

Nice girls suck.
Great girls swallow catch cancer. Just say no.

I wonder if I can get her godmother to teach her this stuff .... there's no way in Hades I can have that kind of conversation sober ... or without having a heart attack halfway through.