"Why would you have an epidural?" *insert revulsion and disgusted expression here*
: Because I was in PAIN you masochistic heifer. It wasn't like I was snorting a line of cocaine, I had 2 doctors standing there promising me that they would make me feel better. I drank their koolaid & loved every drop.
"Well you are going to breastfeed this time aren't you?" *insert silent accusations of unfit motherhood at will*
: Can you take your nose out of my maternity bra & quit worrying about what's in my kid's stomach please? Worry about your own kid sitting over there eating dirt, then we'll talk about the perfect food mkay?
"I didn't take any medications while I was pregnant with my perfect angel." *again, insert revulsion and disgust*
: Well lucky farkin you. I'm glad you suffered through sciatica and contractions without even a Tylenol. You're Zena the Warrior princess and I pale in comparison. Gimme my Zofran and shut the hell up.
"All induction does is increase your chances of a c-section."
: Really? Oh well. After 3 weeks of near-constant-not-working-for-crap contractions, I was just begging for the kid to come out already. Either way, I didn't care. All I wanted was to have a healthy baby in the end. My induction made that happen ... finally. I'll have to pray the next one goes as well.
"C-sections are only done to make the dr's life easier."
: Hmmm. So when my blood pressure was bottoming out & the Princess' heart rate plummeted for those few minutes, the Dr would only have done a c-section to make her own life easier. Good to know. Next time I'll fight for my heart attack & make the doctor really earn her paycheck.
"Oh, so will you be getting your tubes tied if this one's a boy? I mean, you don't really want a third do you?" *insert innocence and horror*
: Only if I can cut your tongue out first.
"You just need to watch what you eat and you won't be so sick."
: KISS MY QUEASY, CONSTIPATED PREGNANT ASS YOU NOSEY BITCHES.
Why do I even talk to people while I'm pregnant? All they do is piss me off and make me homicidal. Give me a female judge & one pregnant woman in the jury & there's no way I would be convicted for beating these idiots with my purse.
On the upside: I'm down 15 pounds. How am I lighter when I'm pregnant than any other time in my life??
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3 comments:
Amen and amen. Only I have to say that I hate you just a wee little bit for having lost 15 pounds. But just the tiniest little bit.
One of my friends told me I just needed to be more active and then I wouldn't be queasy. GREAT ADVICE. Why isn't it obvious to people that we MUST feel DIFFERENT? That is, they DIDN'T HAVE morning sickness, and it wasn't because they were "more active" or "ate better," it was because they DIDN'T HAVE IT.
*pant pant*
Also, the thing about c-sections being for the doctor's convenience makes me want to strangle people. Does no one remember how it used to be common--COMMON--for mothers to die in childbirth?
*pant pant*
Shannon: All day morning sickness kills any desire to eat junk food. It's the diet from hell ~ but it works!
C 1st: How do people think that being active will make me feel better? Would you go work out with the flu?! Ugh. I hate people who have nothing but easy, fun, healthy pregnancies - at least the ones who talk to me. They act like I must be doing something wrong to feel so horribly. Just add to the Mommy guilt thankyouverymuch.
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