The Birth Story (The Middle)

If you haven't seen it yet, you may want to start with The Beginning

After being kicked out of the OB's office we were on our way to the hospital with directions to "Go to the hospital, go directly to the hospital, do not stop at check out and chit chat - go NOW!", we headed off to find breakfast. What? Hubs was hungry & I didn't want to hear him whine about it all day. I figured it would only mean 20 minute delay for him go to Chick-Fil-A, drive through for some food & head on to the hospital. Given the state of my every-4-minute-contractions it would only really amount to about 5 extra contractions and wasn't that worth NOT hearing "I'm hungry, I'm starving, I want food, how long is this going to take I'm hungry all ready" for the next 6 hours before my delivery. 5 contractions or a life conviction for murdering my husband. I picked the lesser of the two evils. Besides, I was in no big hurry to get the IV's started.

By the time we got to the hospital (around 9:30am) to check in I was starting to feel the pain. BTW: VERY different from the first kid. I didn't make it 4cm with her without screaming for an epidural. I was hurting with the Newbie, but nothing I couldn't focus & breathe through. Anyway. Turns out I was Number 12 for check-in that day & there were another 4 scheduled to come behind me. I was number 7 on the c-section list, unless I was bumped by an emergency. They were only on number 2 in surgery at that point. It was going to be a while. We settled in, only to quickly realize that there were no good seating options for Hubs, he was on caffeine withdrawal, and my contractions were starting to ramp up on the pain scale. Quickly. Over the next hour we met several nurses who seemed to be trading off patients as different deliveries began progressing ... we quickly realized that they were short staffed for the large influx of girls who decided to go into labor that day. By the time the anesthesiologist came in I was begging for drugs, sooner rather than later, as these contractions were getting a bit more insistent on working. I could see his eyes darting back and forth to the baby's heart monitor as I was requesting the sweet nectar of a Stadol (morphine, crack, anything would have worked at that point). He left us in peace with a pat on my foot, promising to find something to ease my pain soon.

Twenty minutes later a nurse blew in stating that we were getting this baby out NOW! and throwing a set of scrubs at Hubs' head. He was to change & follow the delivery train quickly. In retrospect I can now see that she thought we were informed as to a major development, while in truth, we were riding blind to the fact that the baby's heart rate was fluctuating wildly with each contraction. The nurse who set up the heart monitor turned the volume down while she was going through her "Welcome to the hospital" procedure, she didn't turn it up again afterward and I never thought to do so. The monitors were sitting behind my head so Hubs and I never gave them a second thought. The nurses on duty at the front desk noted the problem and called my Dr who placed me at the top of the delivery line & sprinted across the street to start my surgery. Just looking back and thinking about those moments causes me chest pains, I can only thank God that we didn't know - and that the nurses did.

I was rushed into surgery and was given my spinal while multiple people ran around prepping the OR suite, Hubs stood outside waiting to be ushered in. I was trying to crack jokes and stay calm, all the while knowing a large needle was being pushed into my spine ... I never question the beauty of an epidural or spinal until THE MOMENT it happens, at which point I almost chicken out, but then the pain reminds me that relief is worth the momentary fear! Within just 3 minutes I was ready to go, Hubs was in the room and the Doctor was flying in with his gown open and flapping behind him. The nurses were rushing to wrap him up as he was testing my spinal and telling me that the baby was ready to go Right. Now. Still, we were in the dark, everyone thinking that someone else had told us she was in trouble. They must have thought we were uncaring pricks for cracking jokes while our daughter was in danger. Hubs and I shared a moment of "I love you's" and "OhmyGod how fast do they do this?!" just before we heard the Doctor saying that he was almost there, he had her in his hand & she was out - I took my first deep breath in 9 months when she let out her first scream, followed by the doctor's words "hold on, she's wrapped in the cord" and the nurse saying the cord was around her neck. I stopped breathing. They rushed her to the isolet to check her and Hubs went to follow, while I obviously had to stay behind.

We were able to see our sweet new daughter for just a few moments and then she was rushed off to the nursery ... again, everyone thought that someone else had told us why.

Birth Story (The Beginning)

Since I got the plus signs on all those pregnancy tests last May, I had this nagging feeling that we just wouldn't be ending the year with a bouncing baby. I couldn't shake the little voice in my head that kept warning me this could end badly. I tried to chalk it up to fear, since we had lost babies before in miscarriage, but even after as we passed 14 weeks and knew that the baby was healthy - I was still scared. As we entered the third trimester I freaked out any time the baby didn't move for more than two hours. Waking up for potty breaks meant that I couldn't go back to sleep until she moved, for fear something had gone wrong during the night.


I changed OB's at 30 weeks to utilize my medicaid coverage (my original OB wouldn't accept it & I couldn't afford the $2000 we had to pay her by Thanksgiving). I had no idea that changing to a new doctor would likely save the life of my baby.


My 1st OB had been relaxed with my blood sugar test since I was So. Incredibly. Sick. Since I couldn't keep the nasty glucose drink down, she told me to watch my sugar levels for one month & then decide if we really needed the blood test. Two weeks later I was in the New OB's office showing him my sugar tests ... and he flipped out. Within the week I had seen the top perinatologist in our state & was put on twice daily insulin injections. The whole "To c-section or not to c-section" was decided for me when they discovered that the amniotic fluid levels were far too high for a safe vaginal delivery (oh that's why I looked like a beached freakin whale at 31 weeks). At 31 weeks I was seeing the OB once a week & the perinatologist every 2 weeks. I had more ultrasounds in those last 6 weeks than most women get in 3 or 4 pregnancies. I was told that they were worried about the baby's health & safety because of the fluid levels & my sugars. They wanted a NICU team on-call for the delivery & I would not be allowed to go into labor on my own, and so my delivery date was scheduled for December 29th at 9:30 am. The Doctors wanted December 23rd but I begged for one last Christmas with my only child & they agreed so long as I called them the moment I started to feel contractions.


Funny thing about those contractions. I never felt them. I felt a few around 35 weeks and told the Peri about them, who said to call the OB as he was not responsible for catching babies. When I told the OB he laughed & said "Wouldn't that just figure?!" By the next Monday, at my 36 week appointment, I was 3 centimeters dialated. The OB called the Peri & there was a long discussion about the safety of allowing me to continue this pregnancy. In the end it was decided that the Peri would see me on Wednesday & give his vote, I was to return to the OB on Friday for another check.

By Wednesday afternoon I knew I did not feel well. The Peri looked around, noted that the baby had flipped position A G A I N (I think we noted this was at least the 10th time in 2 months). I wondered how on earth she could still flip when I could barely breathe. He voted that her lungs looked healthy by u/s, she seemed to be big enough and he would sign off on an early delivery.

Thursday morning I woke up to snow. In a state where there has not been any significant snow accumulation in over 10 years ~ this was a BIG. DEAL. My office was still open as roads were not closed yet, but my boss agreed that given the state of my contractions, my coming in to work was probably not the best idea. I got to spend that day home watching my daughter play in her first real snow fall. Thankfully she got cold quickly and we were able to come inside before too long!

My best friend came that afternoon, planning to stay the night. She was going to keep the Princess while Hubs and I went to the doctors appointment. I wasn't planning on meeting the baby that day - but went along with the "Plan As If We Are" plan as directed by Hubs. The fear was that the snow would ice the roads & shut down the whole area .... which basically happened. Government offices, schools and most private companies closed. Thankfully my OB opened for possibly birthing girls. Our 20 minute drive became an hour long as we were routed past any bridges (never realized there were 4 between points A & B). During that lovely drive we realized I was having contractions every 6 minutes. By the time I got up to reception, they were closer to every 4.

My OB saw me in the hallway and remarked that I looked like hell. Hubs agreed, and their consensus was that today should be our delivery date. In 20 minutes that was confirmed when I was found to be at almost 5 cm dialated and almost 80% effaced.

We were given our choice of hospitals with 2 having openings at that moment. Since there were 3 more laboring mommies in the office, wherever I picked was where we were all going. I picked the one that could get us in fastest & we all planned on a 3pm delivery. The other option would have been almost 6pm for a c-section .... this was barely 9am .... there was no way I could last that long with no food or water, 3pm it was!

Things I Can't Talk About Anywhere Else

I haven't been around here much in the last few weeks because well, I've had a baby hanging off my boob & that kind of deters internet access for me ... but I've also had Hubs hanging off my shoulder & that really impedes my ability to come on this little site and vent. Oye. I swear it's like I birthed him too some days.

So. Things that I will be ranting on around here in the coming days & weeks:

Birth control: 'cause I am NOT having another kid for a while.
Sex after pregnancy: 'cause I need to know I'm not the only one.
Sex and breastfeeding: 'cause I need to know how in the hell that's supposed to work.
Hubs UP MY ASS: 'cause I need to come to terms with this whole "till death" idea some days.
Money: Dude, money. Need it & ain't got it. Why can the government write checks with no money & yet I'm not allowed to. How on earth to save it. College fund is a wha' now?
Exhaustion: 'cause I'm living in the fog of no sleep for 12 weeks & none on the horizon
Happy-all-the-time Mommy Bloggers: 'cause I just don't get them.
In-Laws: 'cause there should be a law about how much shiz they are allowed to create/inflict/wield upon your life.

I do want to apologize for the incredible number of "holy-shiz-I-can't-stand-pregnancy" posts from last year. I wish I could have balanced them with other happier thoughts, but on many days, there were none to be found. I stopped writing on my open blog for several months simply because I had no positives posts floating around in my head. I hate to think that some poor preggy girl/wanting to be preggy girl stumbled upon my diary & thought "Holy crap how evil is she?!?!" But in reality, yes, for the large part - I hated pregnancy. I love my happy & healthy child ~ I would go through it all again in a heartbeat for her; but I'm not convinced I would go through it again for some unknown child. Does that make any kind of sense?

This is the space in my life where I am allowed to truly be open and honest. This is where I get to stop the censoring & admit what I'm really thinking. It's not always pretty, and it won't make everyone happy ~ but I need this space. The things I say here are true within the time they are written & my feelings are subject to change, even within the hour the post is made, so please don't judge me based on one moment. But (to quote the former therapist) I own these feelings & I won't change them to make others feel better.

So ~ to balance the admissions of meanness with prettiness, here you go!

I'm so crafty ...

I made a person!



Big sister seems to be less than thrilled ....



Will follow with details soon ~ we had a rough start, but she's strong and healthy despite the 3 week early appearance. She wanted to beat the holiday traffic so she took an earlier flight!

12/12/2008

11:50am

6lb 6oz

19 in

"Mommy's Little CSection Scar"

Karma's "Kick Me" Sign

I think the universe has stuck a "Kick Me" sign on my ass, I just can't see it to take the freakin thing off already!

The last few months have just felt like we've been kicked and battered and beaten up on, and there's no end in sight. I'm not sure if it's the pregnancy hormones making the hits hurt more, or if our life is really just at this point and we are really just .... screwed.

• I'm trying to remember that my husband is healthy, my girl is healthy & that in 26 days we'll have a brand-spanking new girl (who is rumored to be healthy as well).
• I'm trying to be thankful for the fact that we do have a roof over our head & (if these people will work with me) we have electricity & water & phone service for the next month.
• I'm trying to remember that there are moms out there who really don't have any groceries in the house ... our pantry may be low, but it's not bare by any means.
• I'm trying to remember that there are kids who won't be getting anything for Christmas ... Hubs & I are skipping Christmas for ourselves, but our daughters won't go without.
• I'm trying to remember that eventually this too shall pass ~ but how long will it take to pass?

I know that our lives could be so much worse, infinitely worse ... but that doesn't stop my worrying about the money, how we will survive and how we'll make it to the next payday.

Hubs and I batted the idea of putting the girls in daycare & him going to find a real full time job again ... and then I priced daycare for 2 kids. We may as well take a paycheck and burn it on the front lawn for all the good that would do us. Even if he found a job making the kind of money he used to make (HIGHLY unlikely around here at this point) we would still only walk away with about $600 a month after daycare costs ~ then add in the gas / lunches / dry cleaning / pediatrician and prescription co-pays that we aren't currently paying with him being at home. It wouldn't equal out to enough money to make the stress & hassle of daycare worth it for us.

Oh. And then our second car died & any hopes of second jobs flew out the window. We've had it looked at & SURPRISE!!! The last shop that worked on it didn't fix a key thingy & now the car is worse ... it's seriously cheaper to get a new engine than to have the damn thing repaired.

I'm 9 months pregnant. My spouse & toddler are home bound. I work 40 minutes from the house.

My hand to God, if my water breaks at the office ~ I'm going to wind up killing someone.

Setting the date

Next to setting the date for your wedding, there are few days in a woman's life that will thrill them to no end. With the exception of setting the date of your unborn child's eviction. That date ROCKS. There's no special ring, no lavish celebration, no big poofy white dress ~ but hopefully there is a very sweet anesthesiologist in green scrubs willing to shove a large needle into your spine in hopes of relieving you of any and all pain. *AAAAAAH* I love an anesthesiologist! I should have married one of their people ... they get the good drug hookups.

Come to think of it, when we have to push a 6+ pound person out of our vajayjay's ~ why is there no flashy ring, no lavish celebration or a big huge cake waiting to be devoured at the end? There should be confetti & balloons falling from the ceiling with all manner of festivities and fireworks exploding outside our windows. We just birthed A PERSON. An entire little being just ripped through sprung forth from our body thankyouverymuch. Where the hell is our parade & Vanity Fair Oscar party?! The girls who birth those massive 9lb+ kids should get a freakin check from Ed McMahon. God love you ~ that's a freakin Olympic achievement right there.

The moral of this story is that my tiny renter's eviction notice has been announced & she has 28 days to vacate the premises or we're coming in there after her (literally, we're having a c-section - they are going IN to get her!) As of noon on December 29th, I will no longer be pregnant ~ I'll be fat for no good reason with a belly that looks like a half deflated Macy's day balloon ... but the heartburn & vomiting & insulin shots will be GONE!! WOOHOO!!

Oh yeah ~ and we'll have a baby ...

Um, can I opt to keep her in for a few more years? I may not be ready for this yet.

The post in which I cancel Christmas

I will be playing the role of "Scrooge McDuck" this year.

Seriously ~ with a baby coming AT Christmas, a toddler to provide for & a house with one income ~ I'm cancelling Christmas for anyone that I haven't given birth to.

I told MIL & my Mom to take our names out of the family hats, don't get us anything - but especially don't expect anything from us this year. We are too broke to be buying presents for adults with their own checkbooks who make more than we do & I refuse to pull out the last of my credit cards just so that they can feel loved. If you don't already feel it ... well bite me, I'm too busy to kiss your tail!

This year is all about scaling back expectations ~ for ourselves, our families and (gulp) our daughter(s). Baby New Year will be getting diapers ... and the bassinet, new (BPA free) bottles, pacis and a stuffed puppy. Basically things she'll need to survive in our house once she arrives. The Princess will be getting a toy vacuum cleaner, fridge magnets, a new bath toy, and a Little Einsteins movie for her stocking stuffer. All but the Little Einstein movie were purchases I made last year & put away for this Christmas when I realized how overboard we went on her at one year old .... ya' know, back when we had money.

Oh, Santa is bringing her an Elmo Live & Baby New Year will be bringing her a Cabbage Patch Doll.

Please tell me this sounds like a respectable showing for a 2 year old ... keep in mind this doesn't include the clothes, kitchen center & play table that her grandparents are getting her as well as any presents that my parents send for her. I may be Scrooge this year, but my kid doesn't need to see that side of me until she's at least 9. Maybe 8.

Hubs & I have decided that while Santa may not love us this year, maybe the tax man will. Since we know that we should be getting a decent tax return this year (thank you my extra little write off!!) we will use part of that money to get a family Wii.

We put our Christmas on hiatus and cancelled on everyone else .... is that selfish?